


Hiraeth

by 1roxsilvery8



Category: British Actor RPF, Real Person Fiction, Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Heartbreak, Inspired by Music, Time Skips, Unplanned Pregnancy, inspired by the lyrics of Cher Lloyd's 'Sirens'
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-06
Updated: 2017-01-24
Packaged: 2018-08-29 10:22:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8485657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1roxsilvery8/pseuds/1roxsilvery8
Summary: Hiraeth (n) : homesickness tinged with grief or sadness over the lost or departed; a mix of longing, yearning, nostalgia, wistfulness  or an earnest desire Louisa and Tom have met at a charity ball held by Louisa’s parents. The physical attraction was almost instant and shortly after they took a step forward and started a benefits relationship. And everything was fine until she fell in love, only to find out he fell in love as well. The downside? He fell in love with someone else. Deciding to do what’s best for her, Louisa suddenly removes herself from Tom’s life. When they meet again, she realizes that she has no chance but to tell him the truth, secrets finally reaching the surface throwing their lives in the midst of chaos.





	1. I carry the weight of you in my heavy heart

**Author's Note:**

> Hello. I'm supposed to study for a physiology test on Wednesday but this wouldn't leave me alone. I just want you to know that English is not my first language therefore you might find spelling mistakes or misplaced words ( please let me know if you find them). Also, please let me know what you think of this first chapter!   
> Have a lovely day/evening! :)

_17 September 2012_

Louisa entered the enormous room that has been decorated thoughtfully within inch of space by the room designers her mother hired four months prior to the event. She never understood why for some people good deed had to be made public in such an opulent manner and while she tried to hide herself from the unwanted attention from distant family members who would be reminded that they were related only if money were involved, she felt like the disgraced daughter that fell from the high pedestal she was placed since the day she was born.

When one of her cousins spotted her, she suddenly turned on her heels bumping into the broad back of a man.

“Sorry!” she squeaked, wide brown eyes settling on the beautiful face of a much taller than her man.

At the same time she heard another male voice calling her name, and panicking, she threw her right arm around his waist and grabbed his right hand with her left.

“Dance with me.” She hissed, making him move with her, losing themselves among the other couples dancing and out of her cousin’s sight.

 

_23 November 2013_

Holding tightly the envelope in her hand, Louisa was still sitting in the back of the car, looking straight in front of her without seeing anything. Her lower lip was trembling and she knew there was no way out of the situation. The only thing she could hope for was her mother not finding out.

“We’re here, Miss.” David – her personal diver – said, watching her in the rearview mirror. During the last few months she and Tom had met at his house, enjoying the benefits of their friendship. Yet here she was – after doing the last thing she was supposed to do in this kind of a relationship – holding a piece of paper that would change their lives. A piece of paper she suddenly shoved into her pocket.

“Thank you, David.” She whispered, and gathering all the courage she could muster, opened the car’s door and stepped in the chilly night, wrapping her wool cardigan around her body and walking quickly to Tom’s door, knocking lightly.

She knew he was home – the lights were on and she called him to let him now she would be visiting. When he opened the door, he had a small smile playing on his thin lips.

“Hello, darling.” She said, hugging her and planting a quick kiss on her cheek.

Entering his warm home, Louisa felt her cheeks heat up remembering what exactly happened when she was last here, three weeks ago.

“We need to talk!” they both said at the same time, while walking towards the living room. Looking at each other, they started laughing, yet Louisa’s heart already started pounding faster.

“You first, I’m in no hurry.” She said, brushing her hair out of her eyes as she sat on the leather couch, thankful for the few minutes delay in telling him the truth.

Tom took a deep breath of air and sat next to her, grabbing both of her hands and rubbing soothing circles on the back of her hand. As much as she tried not to let him know how anxious she actually was, she tried to continue smiling as if nothing was wrong.

“I met someone…”

He kept talking, but she couldn’t hear anymore. The emptiness surrounded her, and despite the warmth in the house, she felt like the temperature dropped below zero. She kept her eyes on his face, looking at the sheer happiness on his face as he talked about the woman he started dating in the short time they haven’t seen each other. And suddenly she remembered the wrinkled paper she shoved in her pocket.

She knew that it would erase that look of happiness off of his face. And she knew she couldn’t do that even if he had every right to know. She couldn’t take away his happy moments. And it wasn’t for the little bean that was growing inside her, but for the fact that she shouldn’t have fallen for him. 

She knew he would drop everything because of the news she brought him, but she also knew that asking him to love her the way she loved him was impossible and she wasn’t that selfish.

While he continued to rub her hands and kept describing _her_. Fighting back her tears, she swallowed heavily and managed a small smile.

“What was your news?” he asked, still smiling and seemingly oblivious to the look of pure pain in her eyes.

“I… Erm, I wanted to tell you that I managed to get that job at the Louvre.” She said quickly, remembering telling him about the offer the museum made her – a job she declined a week earlier. It’s not that she needed a job, and she didn’t think _this_ would happen. Maybe her father would still be able to pull a few strings and she could actually move to Paris and keep away from him for a while.

“Really? That is brilliant, darling!” he beamed, dragging her in for another tight hug. “We need to celebrate this!”

“Oh, I really can’t.” she said as quickly as she managed, looking for an explanation. “I’m leaving in the morning and I still haven’t packed much.”

She could see his smile dropping a little, before an understanding expression showed on his face.

“But you’ll still call and visit, right?” he asked when she sat up from her spot, smiling as best as she could.

“Only if you do the same.” She said in a teasing voice, knowing that it won’t happen for a while.

He laughed his adorable laugh, throwing his head back and assuring her he’d call every day. Hugging him again, Louisa fought back her tears away, willing them to not start sliding down her cheeks until she was in the safety of the car.

“I’m going to miss you, old man.” She said again in her teasing voice, taking a slight dig at the fact that he was much older than she was.

“Well, kid, make sure to call me as often as possible.” He kissed her forehead, and with a last glance at his handsome face, she was out the door and hurrying towards the car still parked in front of the house.

Careful not to slam the door too hard after she slid inside, she furiously wiped her eyes, thinking about what to do next, before breaking down.

“Back home, Miss?” David asked, worry obvious in his voice.

“Take the long way.” She whimpered, not able to hold back anymore, her body trembling under the powerful, heart-breaking sobs as the car started moving.

She never noticed the paper wasn’t in her pocket anymore.

“We’re here, Miss.” The driver’s words reminded painfully of the evening events. He drove around for a while, waiting for her to stop crying before they arrived at the manor she lived in.

“Thank you.” She whispered, dabbing at her eyes again, grabbing her handbag and praying everybody in the house went to sleep early.

Entering through the front door, feeling like a teenager sneaking out once again, she managed to tip-toe towards the stairs, quietly touching the smooth wooden surface of the railing when the light surrounded her and heard her mother clearing her voice behind.


	2. And the wind is so icy, I am numb

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is more of a transition chapter and unfortunately Tom isn't present. I'll try to update as soon as I can.

“Mother…” she stuttered, slightly covering her eyes from the sudden light and trying not to look as guilty as she felt for hiding something from her parents.

“I thought you’d never come home.” Her mother’s voice was cold, reminding the young girl of the days she would misbehave or when she would be chastised for eating too much. Only this time, the whole family was present alongside with a stranger who was shamelessly watching her from head to toe.

From the corner of her eye, she saw David discreetly opening the door and freezing on spot when he took in the scene.

“I was confident I raised you better than this, Louisa.”

Louisa drew a quick breath.

“I… don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Her voice already started trembling, having a feeling something bad was about to happen. Her gaze was directed again at the stranger who was standing slightly behind her mother and was now smirking, making Louisa’s skin crawl.

Without saying a word, her mother shoved her hand into her suit pants pocket and threw something at her daughter, leaving her shocked at the sight of the three pregnancy tests she’s taken right before going to the hospital.

“You went through my rubbish?” she asked, a betrayed look painting itself on her face, tears blooming again in her eyes.

“I have every right to do as I please in my house.”

Louisa opened her mouth to say something, but she was interrupted before any sound got out.

“I have never thought my own daughter would embarrass me so. I have always disapproved of your constant outings with those… those savages you call friends, but never even dared thinking you would go as far as being impregnated by one of them.”

The girl swallowed heavily, the harsh words of her mother piling over everything that happened in the last twelve hours. She felt the hot tears leaving tracks on her cheeks once more and she suddenly asked herself how did she even had any more tears left after all the crying she did.  

“Mother, please…” she whimpered, her small fist curling around one of the pregnancy tests. “I can explain…”

“Explain what?” her mother hissed, walking quickly towards her. “Explain how you’ve become such a little slut? We have a status to maintain and here you are making a fool out of your own family! How dare you?!” she was screaming now, making her daughter flinch and take a step back. “Who knows about this?!”

“No one.” Louisa whispered, flinching again when her forearm was grabbed and her whole body shook. Despite being a few centimeters taller than her mother and already being twenty-three she never felt like a small child.

“Do not lie to me!” her mother shouted again, suddenly taking her hand off her Louisa’s forearm and slapping her hard enough to cause her to lose balance and fall at her mother’s feet.

She heard her father gasp, and starting to say something, before he was cut off by his wife.

“Stay out of this, Philip! This is your fault! You are the one who never let me suitably punish her so she would know even better that this!”

Bending over Louisa, she grabbed her arm again and hauled her to her feet, shaking her again and dragging her towards the man who was still smirking.

“We are extremely lucky to have the necessary help to sweep this incident under the rug.” Louisa could hear the anger behind her mother’s voice, and she knew her vice-like hold on her arm was going to leave a mark. “Dr. Stewart is ready to look past _this incident_ and will marry you to save our pride in the society.”

“I give you my word that none of this will be known.” His voice was low and smooth, and maybe once the sound of it would’ve had a calming effect, but this time it terrified her.

Pulling hard against her mother’s hold, Louisa finally managed to break free and take a couple of steps to the side, putting a little distance between them and herself and feeling a wave of nausea washing over her.

“Is this what I am now? A piece of furniture to be traded in the late evening?”

She heard her mother growl before taking a step towards her making her take two back.

“You have no other choice.”

Louisa gasped, knowing this was way out of her control. And she knew it was bad. Suddenly, as a small act of defiance, she raised her chin and narrowed her eyes – something her mother usually did to intimidate people.

“There is another.” She angrily threw her purse at her mother’s feet and turned on her heels, walking steadily towards the front door and trying not to cry before leaving the house.

“And where will you go?” her mother laughed.

“Unlike you, mother, I haven’t surrounded myself with ass-kissers who would tell me everything I want to hear.” She said, sadness and anger bubbling inside of her. “Next time you think about being humiliated just remember what you did to your own daughter tonight.”

Her mother just huffed and crossed her arms over her chest.

“You can’t raise a child on your own. You have nothing.”

Louisa wiped her tear-stained cheeks and smiled a bit sourly, tears still filling her eyes.

“Just watch me. I’ll try and be a bother mum than you.” The smile disappeared entirely from her face. “Au revoir, papa.” She said to her father, then just turned around and walked steadily outside of the house she grew up in. She knew her father would try and help her, but he wouldn’t be able because everything would eventually happen just as Nicola Leroux said.

Outside, the darkness of the night caged her into the claws of what exactly happened. She went from the spoiled little princess to being homeless in less than thirty minutes and well, even if her friends would eventually take her in, she couldn’t exactly stay much. And she couldn’t go to Tom.

Absentmindedly, she rubbed her still flat stomach, looking carefully around her, before looking forward again and trying to think about a solution. Her head whipped to the right when a car pulled to a stop beside her, the passenger door opening and allowing her to see David smiling apologetically.

Blinking in confusion, Louisa stayed frozen on the sidewalk, not entirely knowing what to do.

“Just lost a job, miss. Hop in.”

Louisa swallowed the lump that formed in her throat and slowly climbed in the seat, closing the door after.

“What happened?” she asked, her voice strained and thick with emotion.

“I accidentally heard the discussion and, well, your mother didn’t take it well. And I had no job back at the manor anyways since the person I was driving around doesn’t live there anymore.”

The young girl let a sob escaped, before covering her mouth and turned her gaze towards the road, embarrassed.

“You can live with me and my family until you find something better. But I’m afraid you’ll have to live up with three kids screaming at the top of their lungs at seven in the morning.” He joked, trying to lighten up the situation a little. “I already talked to my wife and she’s preparing you our couch, miss.”

“Louisa. Just call me Louisa, please.” She whispered.

David just nodded and turned her eyes back to the road.

Later that night, after meeting her former driver and current benefactor’s family and having a nice hot dinner with them, Louisa was lying on her side on the living room couch, covered with a hand-knitted blanket and rubbing her belly.

“We’ll be fine, baby. I’ll figure everything out.” She whispered, just before falling asleep.


	3. I carry the weight of you heading back to start

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like it! :D

_27 June 2015_

“May I get your order, Sir?” Louisa’s voice was tired, having worked a full shift and the small restaurant had been full for most of the time. Annelise, the other waitress complained for the entire day about working constantly for too little money, but Louisa rolled her eyes every time, knowing that this was the only job she could take and afford to pay the bills and both her and her kid wouldn’t go hungry.

The man ordered for both his companion and himself, without even looking at the waitress and completely not ashamedly ogling the woman sat in front of him – a different lady from the one that threw her drink at him last week.

“Right away.” She finally mumbled, heading for the kitchen when the door opened again and she turned to see the new client, her eyes stopping on a face she never thought she’d see again.

_Tom._

Squeaking, she turned around rapidly and made a b-line to the kitchen to place the order, then sneaking into the hall leading to the restrooms. Her heart was beating at a worrying speed and she pressed her palm down on her chest, trying to somehow make it slow down. He hadn’t seen her yet.

“Who are we hiding from?” a voice suddenly whispered from behind her and made her jump.

“Bloody hell, Anne! Stop creeping on me, would you? You nearly gave me a heart attack!”

The older waitress started laughing, which caused heat to rush into Louisa’s cheeks.

“Wish I could say I’m sorry, but I’m a shite liar.” She said between laughs. “What caused you to run in here?” she asked again, scanning the people from the obscurity of the hall.

“No one, just wanted a break.” She lied, trying to sound as convincible as she could, which didn’t do much as Anne just hummed with a raised brow, but eventually left.

Silently thanking the gods that were listening to her, Tom was seated at a table from Anne’s section so she could avoid him and keep her back towards him more easily. Taking a deep breath, she walked out and started serving at her tables as usual, stealing quick glances at Tom.

He was accompanied by an older woman, who she knew to be his mum from the pictures he’d shown her two years back and they were currently ordering, Anne happily scribbling down on her notepad. She only managed to relax a little when her side started to fill up again and she was busy running around with the orders to remind herself to look at Tom again.

After she left her family’s mansion, she changed her phone number as quickly as possible, so her mother wouldn’t find her, therefore she couldn’t call him either. She stopped looking at pictures of him because she knew it would hurt too much to see his face, but having no courage to find him, no matter how much Sarah – David’s wife – insisted she call and tell him the truth.

The guilt she felt every time she would look at her little Charlotte was eating her alive and every single nightmare she had involved Tom finding out about their daughter and appearing out of nowhere to take her away.

Trying to sneak another glance in his direction, she realized it was a mistake in the moment their eyes locked, a shocked expression painted on his beautiful face. Louisa’s eyes widened, color blooming in her cheeks again and a lump forming in her throat. She turned her head quickly back to the woman that was still speaking, finishing writing her order.

Forcing a smile, she turned on her heels, placed the order, looked over the crowd to see if anyone else needed her then quickly retreating to the obscure hall with tears threatening to fall down her face. Her heart was beating wildly and she let herself slide down the wall to sit on the floor.

“So, this is Paris, then?” she heard the masculine voice say in the silence that surrounded her, making her whimper and hugging her thighs, burying her face in her arms and refusing to look up at him

“You know, the Louvre didn’t pop in my head when I saw this place.” His voice was cold and she knew he was hurt by her sudden disappearance. “You won’t even look at me.”

The last sentence was a statement and guilt washed over her again, filling her inside with a sentiment of dread, her nightmares becoming reality.

Suddenly his hands cupped her face, trying to make her look at him, but her eyes were tightly shut, tears squeezing out of the corners. Small sobs were escaping her mouth as she was trying to hold herself together.

“Look at me. Please, Lou, just open your eyes and look at me.”

When she did as he asked and her gaze stopped upon his beautiful face, the old wounds in her heart opened again, bleeding through the walls she built and the tears started to slide easily, heart-wrecking sobs escaping her as his arms wrapped around her body.

She knew he was hurt and that he’ll demand an explanation, but not matter how angry he was, he still found the patience to comfort her first. Her arms went instantly around his back, burying her face in his neck and trying to stop herself from crying. He started rubbing her back soothingly.

She didn’t know for how long they stayed like that. At some point, Anne came to tell her that she’ll cover for her so she could be calm again before serving the tables and to give the a little extra time to talk.

The their hug stopped, Tom looked at her with a pained expression painted on his face and reached to his back pocket to take his wallet out, letting her see what he kept in it.

Louisa gulped when she saw the ultrasound she never found after that night.

The ultrasound she thought she dropped at her parents’ house.

He had it. And he knew about Charlotte.


	4. With the thousand eyes on me, I stumble on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello.  
> I hope you like this chapter and I apologize if there are any mistakes or wrongly used words. :)

“I’m sorry.” She whispered, lowering her gaze towards the floor once again, avoiding looking at his face, too scared to see his beautiful features twisting in anger and disgust at her actions.

He didn’t say anything, but his hand grabbed hers and started rubbing soft circles with his thumb.

“I’m so sorry.” She whispered again, tears sliding down her cheeks again.

Quietly, he shushed her, drawing her into a hug a second time.

“At what time do you finish here?” his voice was barely above a whisper and Louisa felt lucky he was talking so close to her ear.

“6.” She replied in the same low tone. She felt him nod in acknowledgement against the side of her head.

“And the baby?” she could feel that his voice was strained, on the verge of crying as well.

“A friend is taking care of her.”

Tom smiled at the sound of ‘her’, hugging Louisa tightly.

“We need to talk, Lou.” He said, putting a little distance between them, this thumbs slowly wiping her tear-stained cheeks. She nodded, still refusing to look him in the eyes. “I’m going to take my mum home, then I’m coming back after you. Please, don’t disappear on me again. Please?”

Louisa swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded again, barely holding herself together when he gently kissed her forehead, then helped her to her feet again.

Every single time she imagined this moment, this it wasn’t how it went. She expected him to be mad, screaming angrily and demanding explanations after explanations. She expected him to try and take her daughter away, but she never knew he would be this calm. And, to her shame, she didn’t know how to deal with the situation.

She couldn’t leave her job at the restaurant as it was the only thing she could do and still have time to spend with Charlotte. Also, it was her only source of money, so disappearing would be economic suicide and it wasn’t something she could afford at the moment.

***

Louisa was quietly watching the city flying by after she gave Tom her address. After he left the restaurant to take his mum home, she called Sarah letting her know that she met Tom again and Sarah would take Charlotte home so she would already be there instead of Tom driving to David’s house first. Her heart was pounding furiously against her ribcage as thousands of imagines flashed across her mind, different scenarios and outcomes playing behind her eyes.

The building in which she lived was looking as if it would collapse any moment, a small quake would probably put it to the ground. Tom stopped the car’s engine and got out, quickly jogging around to help her out as well. She thanked him silently, and they both entered the building, his hand on the small of her back.

Her apartment was on the second floor – to what she was extremely grateful, since the lift wasn’t working anyway and those living on the higher floor were constantly complaining.

With trembling hands, she unlocked the door and stepped aside to let Tom in first.

“She’s sleeping.” Sarah shushed suddenly, coming out of the small kitchen, wiping her hands on a paper towel. “I’ve made you dinner. It’s in the oven.”

Louisa murmured a thank you, knowing that Sarah most likely bought her something because her fridge almost always contained mostly Charlotte’s food, since she would eat at the restaurant after her shift was over.

“I’ll leave you to talk.” She said, smiling a little at Tom and hugging Louisa. “Are you going to be alright?”

“Yes.” Louisa mumbled, trying to give her a reassuring smile.

“Call me or David if anything?”

Louisa nodded and locked the door after Sarah left, leaving her and Tom in her small apartment. She looked around her, trying to find something to say to break the silence and she suddenly felt ashamed.

Except Sarah and David, no one she knew previously visited her and being here with Tom was a painful reminder of the life she had before and a serious blow to her pride. Her cheeks became quickly red and her eyes filled with tears again.

“Let’s just talk before. I’ve got so many questions, Lou.” He said, his voice tight.

Lou sniffed and put her hand on his forearm, leading him through her small living room and signing him to sit on the couch.

“Why didn’t you tell me that night?”

“That’s why I came to see you then.” She said, swallowing the lump in her throat. “But you told me about her and… and you were so happy, Tom. And I couldn’t take that happiness away from you.”

“So you’ve taken my daughter away.” He said coldly, making her jump slightly and try to increase the distance between them. “Do you know how I felt the next morning when I found the ultrasound? And when I tried to call you, you didn’t answer. So I went to your parent’s house only to be told you don’t live there anymore. You just disappeared on me, Lou, you’ve decided to leave from my life and take away my child because I started dating someone!” His voice was higher, but not enough to make noise and wake Charlotte.

“And what did you do next? You left your parent’s house to live in this pathetic excuse of a flat with barely even room to turn around.”

Every word coming out of his mouth stung her, hitting her harder than a slap.

“This is all I could afford, Tom!” she finally said, unconsciously raising her voice higher than necessary. “I have no damn idea what my mother told you, but after I left your house that night she kicked me out because I refused to marry some business man to wash away my mistake! I had nothing, Tom! Nothing! I didn’t even know what not having money or actually working for them means because I was nothing but a stupid rich girl who had everything handed to her! And this pathetic excuse of a flat is everything I could afford because I didn’t want to take away your happiness that night or slowly ruin my life for allowing myself to see you happy with someone that’s not me!”

Her screaming was cut by a startled cry coming from the small bedroom and a pang of guilt hit Louisa’s heart, knowing her shouts scared Charlotte. With the stinging tear still in her eyes, she turned on her heels and hurried towards the room, leaving a wide-eyed Tom in the middle of the living room.

***

A little while later, after her daughter’s cries stopped, she felt the bedroom’s door being slowly opened and she felt Tom’s gaze on the back of her head. She was still cradling Charlotte’s small body, slightly rocking her as she calmed and fell back asleep.

Louisa turned her head when she felt a hand pressing gently on her shoulder. In the room lighted only by the night-light that was always on, she could see his eyes filled with emotion at seeing his child for the first time. Swallowing heavily again, she rose from the bed careful not to wake the little girl again, and motioned for him to slowly take her in his arms.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered again, while he gently hugged the child to his chest, looking tenderly at her sleeping face. “Please, don’t take her away from me.”


	5. I am tired, I'm growing older

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello.  
> I am really, really sorry for not updating this in quite some time. But between a bit of writer's block and the exam sessions that started at the beginning of the month I didn't exactly had time to write more. My last exam is on the 15th of February and because of my slight problem with speaking in front of more than two people I already have to retake two exams in September (apparently, stuttering while explaining what bleeding time is was my downfall).  
> Anyway, I apologize for the lack of updates and for any spelling mistakes, as well as for any wrong used word. I really hope you like this chapter.

Sighing, Louisa opened her eyes to find both Tom and Charlotte gone from the bed. She had no idea when she fell asleep and by looking at the clock on the nightstand, it was already morning. Her heart started beating rapidly and she threw the blanket that was placed over her, nearly tripped over her own feet trying to get to the closed bedroom door quicker.

Tears of relief gathered in her eyes when she saw Tom in the kitchen, sitting in front of a giggling Charlotte, pulling funny faces and feeding her yoghurt.

“ _Mama!_ ” Charlotte’s screech pulled her out of her reverie and made Tom turn around and look up at her, frowning when he noticed the tears that started sliding down her cheeks. Before he managed to say something, she wiped her eyes and smiled as big as she could.

“Good morning!” she said in a forced cheerful voice.

“Good morning!” Tom’s voice was smooth and he seemed that he couldn’t stop grinning, which in change made Louisa crack a real smile.

Bending slightly and cooing at her daughter, she kissed both her cheeks, making the little girl giggle even more, mumbling happily and wave her arms around.

“Have you been up for long?” she asked, turning to Tom.

“About half an hour or so, she started slapping me. She is a little angel, isn’t she?” he smiled, finally meeting Louisa’s eyes.

“Yes.”

“Do you work today?”

“Yes. I’m supposed to start in the afternoon. Sarah promised to look after Charlotte.” She said, biting her lower lip.

Tom simply nodded and looked back at his daughter. She looked exactly like him when he was a baby – with the exception of her brown eyes.

“I can take care of her.” He said suddenly, the words making Louisa jump slightly, her heart beating faster almost instantly. When she said nothing, Tom looked up at her to see the worry in her eyes and the new set of tears at the corner of her eyes. “I’m not taking her away from you, Lou. I just want to spend time with my child.”

Louisa let out a shuddering breath she didn’t even realize she was holding and wiped her eyes.

“Of course.”  She agreed, watching his face lit up instantly when Charlotte started pulling on his finger, giggling and muttering random words.

***

“When did you find out you were pregnant?” Louisa was startled by the question, slowly turning her face toward Tom. They were both sitting cross-legged in front of the couch in the rather small living room with Charlotte absorbed entirely of the cartoons running on the TV.

“A week before the night I left. You weren’t in London and I didn’t want to tell over the phone.” She swallowed, her mind drifting back to that night and her fight with her mother.

Tom sighed and run his hand through his hair.

“If I didn’t tell you anything about _her_ that evening, you would’ve told me?”

“Yes. That’s why I came to see you, Tom. The job at the Louvre was just a moment cover up. I rejected it right after I found out about the baby.”

“Lou, what happened that night? You told me that your mother threw you out, but when I went to your parents’ house, your mother told me you packed you things and just stormed out.”

Louisa let out a small, humorless laugh, then smiled bitterly while looking up at the ceiling.

“She found out before I could leave. She went through my rubbish while I was at your house and found the pregnancy tests. I seriously thought about moving to Paris. I knew my dad could pull some strings and get back the museum job, but unfortunately mother knew and well… She screamed, slapped me, pushed me around a little, told me I have to marry some kind of business men that was actually present… You know, the usual.”

Tom furrowed his brows and moved a little closer to her, briefly looking at Charlotte still engrossed by the colorful cartoons.

“But she said you left.”

“Yes, well either that or a loveless arranged marriage. I might have told her that I would be a better mother. She didn’t take that too well, so I turned my back to her and left. Sarah is my former driver’s wife. He got fired right after I left. I owe them quite a lot.”

Her lips were pressed into a straight line, the heavy silence surrounding them interrupted only by the TV sound.

“I know not telling you was a big mistake, but I just couldn’t find the courage to do it. And a few months after I left and got hired at the restaurant and with a little help from David and Sarah, I managed to move here. And my mum found out. She threatened me a little, told me Charlotte’s father will find out and will come after her.”

Finally, realization fell on his shoulders and he felt like it punched him in the stomach when he realized why she kept asking him no to take the little girl away. Charlotte was Louisa’s everything.

“Lou, you don’t seriously believe I would steal our daughter from you?”

She swallowed the lump in her throat.

“Everything was possible, Tom. And I can’t even bear the thought of not having her anymore…”

Her voice finally broke and tears started sliding down her cheeks. She covered her mouth with her palm to muffle her sobs and drew her knees up, wrapping her free hand around them.

He closed the distance between them and slowly slid behind her, wrapping his arms around her front and dragging her slowly against his chest.

“I’m so sorry…” she mumbled quietly.

“I know.” He murmured, hugging her even tighter.

“I… I know there are worse thing going on around the world and that this is nothing compared to that, but I am so damn tired, Tom. And I feel so old yet I’m not even thirty yet and… and I don’t know what to do anymore.”

Almost as if she could sense her mother’s distress, Charlotte turned her gaze from the TV and she crawled as fast as she could to nestle in both her parents’ arms.


End file.
